Home revisions 2: The Distance Between Home and Belonging

Originally from Paris, Aurélie Jezequel spent 25 years in New York before returning to Bordeaux, France, expecting a complicated kind of homecoming. What she found was harder to name: a culture she belonged to but no longer fit into perfectly, a language that had shifted for her, and a social landscape full of tall fences—literal and not. In this conversation, she talks about reverse culture shock, the frustrations of visibility online, and writing honestly in the middle of personal crisis. Always insightful, a great conversation.

Here is a slightly edited recording of that live broadcast.

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Some highlights

1. Homecoming isn’t always a return to home

When Aurélie Jezequel moved back to France, she knew it would be complicated.

She returned to France, settling in Bordeaux to be near her aging parents, with an American husband in tow and a head full of mixed allegiances.

“French people, my God,” she says at one point, “they don't know you, but they already don't like you.”

Folks aren’t hostile, but distance. There’s a long ramp-up before you're seen. The social aspects of NYC, the easy light conversations, the reflex to chat with strangers—guy at the bus stop, cashier, whoever—is different in France. And even though it’s where she’s from, it’s different for her now.

What she describes is a kind of double dislocation. You’re not a visitor. Not a foreigner. But you’re not really from here anymore either. Several of my guest have spoken about this and I am sure, on some level, I’ve experienced it myself.

It’s the same country you knew, it’s a different city. it’s different, it’s home, it’s not home.

And this is home now.

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2. The Myth of Being Ready

This was our second conversation for Finding Home Elsewhere, and I wanted it to feel more like a continuation than a recap. But early on, Aurélie said something that felt like a hinge: “You can prepare, prepare, prepare… and then something is going to remind you that it's still a shock.”

She went to therapy before the move. Talked it through. She knew about the decision for a long time, made plans, had reasons. Made the right lists.

And still—still—she ran into the brick wall of French lunch hours, the shift in workplace culture, the different social timing and even emotional tempo.

Change shows up dressed for the wrong party. Never the dramatic entrance you pictured. Not collapse, no grand reveal. Oddity at times. Off rhythm. Awkward. Slow. Kind of dull, kind of relentless.

3. Comments of Substance, Please

One of the most tender moments in the talk comes when she starts venting about her Substack. Not in a PR way. Not in a growth-strategy way. But in a very human, exasperated, “why are these 300 people here if they don’t even open it?” way. And then, more softly: “I'm not here for vanity metrics... I'm really here for genuine conversation.”

The bit about vanity metrics made me laugh, but there was more sitting just under it. A mother in the hospital. Life piling up. That particular kind of disconnection—not solitude, exactly, but wondering what people are looking for if they’re not going to try and read or connect.

Aurélie’s writing has taken on an intensely personal tone in recent posts. Some of them feel like a process of discovery—trying to make sense of what she’s living through with her mother’s illness, and what it means to relocate without fully arriving. Unsure how to land, but noticing what’s still there. Mapping her own emotional terrain and letting others read over her shoulder.

It’s worth spending time with. I hope you check it out.

Aurelie’s first interview

Aurelie’s Substack!

A wonderful, honest take on her life in France, but more about life than about France.

Got time for a Live Session?

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Pick one (CET / EST):

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What did you think?

I was so pleased to get Aurelie back on the show! If anything stood out for you, resonated or if you’ve got questions, I’d love to hear from you!

Boy. That feels generic, but I don’t want to hedge anyone in. Aurelie is really clear about the things she’s dealing with - and I just don’t feel that way all the time.

So, if you moved: what is still fucking with you? (can we talk like that? I’m good with it.) If you haven’t moved anywhere, what made you want to listen to 35 minutes of strangers talking? I’d love to know.

Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.